In some ways, it feels like it crept up on me. My 30th birthday came and went rather fast. That ’s not to say I didn’t celebrate it. I most surely did. And in doing so I was reminded of a couple of lessons I have learnt with time. One of which is people will always let you down.
I had most of my best mates at my party. Some were overseas and some had travel. Some had reasons they let me know before. And some people were nowhere to be seen. Held up by hangovers and general mediocrity. The effort that people made was very telling.
But I am not going to let their laziness taint the journey I have been on. For so many people made huge efforts. And it is those that I will keep with me forever.
I set out a year ago on this journey with little expectation for what I was to encounter. Having kept this journal, I am able to look back with fond memory of what I have actually achieved. And the emotions that went with it all.
I have taken a big step in my working life, accepting a new job to start in the New Year. Not only have I had a girlfriend for more than 6 weeks, but I have also moved in with her and could not be happier. I sold my hairdressers convertible and bought a far more grown up hot hatch. And I now have more possessions than just a bed and a fridge. I achieved several goals I set myself including a half marathon, and I am well on my way to ticking off a few more on the list.
But more than all that, I have done a hell of a lot of growing up.
Sitting here reflecting on it all, it is hard not to get a little emotional. I think the thought of growing up is one that can be a little daunting. But approached with an open mind and a willingness to accept, it can be a wonderful and enlightening thing.
The post event blues have set in a little. I had spent so much time working towards my 30th that I hadn’t thought about what would be next. Luckily I have Christmas, a holiday then a new job to deflect the heat for a while. Then I will need to settle down and focus on some new goals for 2011.
And the subject of my next blog…
I find people with passion great to be around. It doesn’t matter if it is something that I share a common interest in, or if it is something I know nothing about. People who have passion are filled with energy.
The other night, a good friend arranged for a visit to the Observatory for my birthday. It was a lot of fun. Our guide was Jeff and he was a bit of a character. He shared with us a lot of his knowledge about the solar system. The planets, the stars, telescopes, his BMW M3 with the power chip. This guy loved to chat. I was pretty impressed as I always thought astrologers were nerds. This guy was a nerd but with personality. He made things easy to understand.
I couldn’t help but get swept up in the subject due to his enthusiasm. It was infectious.
It made me realise how important it is to be energetic. Having energy and a sense of purpose is one of the greatest traits you can have.
It’s through being contagious that you get people to join your cause. I’m sure most of the world’s influential leaders over the years have had great energy around them.
Not that I am saying Jeff will be a great leader, but I do credit him for reminding me to be contagious.
Mental illness has long been a taboo subject. People don’t like to talk about it and more than that, most people simply just don’t understand it. And that is generally due to the fact that if you do not suffer any form of mental illness, it is very difficult to empathise.
Furthermore, there are many different types of mental illness, all of which have quite different and unique symptoms. This does not help with people getting a grasp of the topic. Anxiety, depression or dipolar disorder all present differently and then there are also the variations of neuro vs lifestyle factors. Research has also shown that long-term factors are more likely to cause issues rather than recent issues. So, being in a long term abusinve relationship or being long term unemployed will more likely trigger symptoms as opposed to the recent loss of a pet.
The scariest part about all this is that it can affect anyone, anywhere at any time.
Testament to the growing issue is the number of businesses and charities specialising in this area. Some of the more notable include beyondblue, Black Dog, Life Line and Reach Out. More recently, they have all come together to launch the R U OK? day. A simple initiative that encourages us all to ask those around us if they are ok. It gained the support of Hugh Jackman who became the face of the campaign.
The stats around this disease are scary.
· More sick days are taken due to mental illness than any other disease.
· About 10% of Australians will suffer from anxiety during their life.
· About 20% of Australians will suffer some form of depression during their life.
When you really think about that, it gets quite confronting. Take a look around your friends and work out the stats. 10 people at the pub for lunch will mean 2 of them have some form of depression.
And it is not easily brought up in conversation. Which means 2 things. Firstly, there is an onus on us to make sure our friends are doing ok. And secondly, if we are feeling down or think that we may have an issue, we need to ask for help. For too long this has been going undiagnosed and there is no reason for that.
There is no shame in admitting you have a problem. As a problem shared is a problem halved.
My parents have both been involved in charity work for many years now. My Father is a founding member and Past President of a local Rotary club which was formed in the mid 90’s and my Mother has been a part of Pathfinders for 40 years and is a Rotary Paul Harris Fellow. They give a serious amount of time to these causes and in doing so have made many big changes to a lot of people’s lives.
I spent my Saturday morning helping them both out at an event organised by Pathfinders in conjunction with Rotary. It is a joy flight for disabled and disadvantaged kids. My Mum has been part of this flight for the last 36 or 37 years.
Qantas donate the use of a 747 jumbo, Shell donate the fuel, all the crew including the pilot donate their time and a whole bunch of people help out on the ground to allow kids and their carers to take a flight over Sydney Harbour then up and down the coast line for about an hour and a half.
Ang and I were given two groups to look after. I suspect Ang was actually given two groups and I was tasked with assisting her. One group were from Western NSW and came from a broken home. The other group were all kids who had required heart operations. Some transplants, other open heart surgery. Incredibly gutsy group of kids. And their parents were just as inspirational.
Other groups who were their ranged from heavily disabled, wheelchair bound kids to those suffering from Downs. In total there were about 330 people. There was a guy there who looked pretty tough. But to see the name of his daughter tattooed up his arm was testament to the dedication he had to his disabled daughter stuck in a wheelchair for life. The stories of the carers who dedicate their lives to helping their kids are possibly more moving that the kids stories themselves.
When loaded them on the plane, the smiles on their faces were amazing. Most had not been on a plane before and most will never again. The excitement was at fever pitch and I can now see why they aren’t meant to eat before they fly as most of it would be in sick bags.
It was just a few hours out of my weekend. But the reward I got from that time is far greater than the funds I raise for Movember or the money I give to other causes. Imagine my embarrassment to realise that this was the first time I have gone to see what my Mum has done for so many years.
It was a truly humbling experience and I will be sure to be there again next year, and many more after that.
One of the positives to spending more time with your parents as you get older, is you start to have far more interesting conversations. Gone are the grunts and groans and there is now a genuine enjoyment of each other’s conversations.
One topic that I really enjoy, is hearing stories of their friends parents. So many of them have achieved amazing feats in their lives. But sadly, they only hear of what they have done when attending their funeral or reading the obituary in the paper.
That seems like such a shame to me. That it takes for someone to pass before the story of their life is told. There are a lot of people out there who are quick to tell you a story. Generally they are not the greatest ones. It seems that the greatest stories so often go untold.
For example, one I was told the other day. The father of one of Dad’s mates was a pilot in WWII. He used to fly recon. Missions off the coast of Australia guarding the coast line. They used to fly big, long range aircraft capable of flying missions for many hours at a time. On particular evening, they were out on patrol, and the spotted the rapidly approaching Japanese army. They radioed back to the base and alerted them of the danger. But this also alerted the Japanese fleet to their position. They sent up a few faster, far more nimble fighters. They circled above the bigger less maneuverable plane until it was forced to ditch in the sea. A few on board the plane died. The survivors swam to safety of an island where they were captured and put into a POW camp.
Such an amazing story. And one that was only heard of once the hero was no longer around. Another example of heroics and adventures that my grandparents generation encountered. These tales motivate me to do more with my life than to spend it behind a desk for 50 hours a week slaving away to the man.
But more than that, these stories motivate me to take the time to ask. Ask about what people have done with their lives and to share their amazing experiences with them.
Over the last few weeks I have been undergoing a bit of change. I have moved out of the apartment I have been in for the last 3.5 years with a guy I have lived with for close on 5 years. It signals the start of a new and exciting journey. But I move on with an element of sadness. The last five years have been good fun, conflict free and most of all I have a close friend for life.
But in this new journey there is a renewed sense of excitement and a genuine belief that things are starting to fall in to place. Not that I have ever had a ‘plan’, but it all feels right.
I am not sure if it is related in any way, but I have started having more vivid and lucid dreams. One recurring theme is the ability to fly. So real are these dreams that I often wake up disappointed that I cannot in fact fly.
The themes of the dreams vary and are often quite complex and extravagant. But they all have this one common theme which is the ability to fly places. Oddly, no one else is flying nor are they at all shocked that I have this skill.
In a bid to get a better understanding of what this could mean, I started to do some research. There are so many websites that have different takes on what a dream means, but most seem to carry a common theme or thread.
The flying dream seems to suggests that you are on top of a situation. It may also mean that you have gained a new and different perspective on things. It also depicts freedom or liberation from things that have been a source of control.
On the flip side, there is an ancient Greek myth of Icarus, which warned against flying too high. So it is also possible that the dream is representative of being over ambitious.
It is interesting that all this is going on in my subconscious. I have never been a big dreamer, but I believe that when you do dream and are able to remember, that it is worth getting a better understanding of what it means. If for no other reason than to stay in touch with your subconscious.
A few months ago I signed up for the Blackmores Half Marathon. I think it was back in about June. Once that happened, I basically resigned myself to the fact that I was going to have to stop drinking, eat healthy and run a hell constantly.
Apart from a few loose-ish nights in Thredbo, I was pretty good over those few months. I didn’t drink much, I ate pretty well and I ran a lot. Ticked all the boxes. Kind of.
Race day came and I completed the run. I was not fast by any means. It took me a touch over 2 1/2 hours to get it done. But I ran the whole thing and was quite emotional along the way. So many people are driven by sadness to do things. I found that quite confronting. Many people were fund raising to help find a cure for a loved one’s illness. Others were running in memory of a lost loved one.
Me, I just wanted to do it for myself.
Having done a few long stints off the drink, I am familiar with how good you feel when you are sober. The early mornings you get to see is a great side effect. The activities you fit in to a weekend is another. So many activities. You save a lot of money, or at least spend it on other more worthwhile pursuits and you lose a lot of weight.
For some reason, the training for this run didn’t see me lose any weight. But it did get me to drink a lot less. And I reaped the benefits of this.
We had work drinks last night and by my old standards, it was hardly a session. More like a quick lap around the block. But I woke up today feeling like I had put in a good 10 hour session at Cargo on a Friday night. Old Howie style.
I have to admit, over the years I have not really been a big hang over person. I have been very lucky in that sense. I always thought I was just tough. But I think it was more to do with the fact that I treated my body like a fun park and drank excessively. I was piss fit.
These days, with the reduction in drinking and general bender antics, I get worse hang overs. So it has led me to the realisation that there are 2 options:
1 – Drink more and regain my piss fitness.
2 – Drink less, be more healthy and avoid hang overs all together.
This worries me. As I think I may be growing up.
One thing is for sure. Even if I am growing up, rest assured that I certainly have no plans to grow old.
Albert Einstein was a pretty smart fellow. His scientific achievements form the cornerstone of many things we take for granted today in modern society. That being said, he is also responsible for one of my favourite quotes:
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.
I love this as it can be applied to all facets of life. Whether that be you staying loyal to an employer who constantly overlooks you for career progression, always going to the same two bars after work hoping to find the person of your dreams but going home alone, or simply parking under the same tree day in day out, despite the fact that a bird always craps on your car.
Humans are creatures of habit, and none worse than me. But we are smart enough to recognise when things are going as we have planned. Or are we? I look at many of my friends who complain about things not going well. And I note that it is often occurred by repeating the same complaint over and over. Only once it is brought to their attention and they make a change do they suddenly report success.
They key is obviously awareness. Awareness that you are making the same mistake thing over and again. And moreover that it is the cause of the frustration. Sometimes it takes an outsider to point it out to you. Or sometimes it just takes you being truly honest with yourself.
Either way, you need to be open to accepting that perhaps the cause of the problem is in fact you. And then be willing to do something differently to resolve it.
There are some things in life that people don’t like to talk about. For most people, they don’t talk about how much they earn. Others don’t like to discuss their age. For my parents, the topic of ‘retirement’ was taboo until recently. The GFC did nothing to help the cause as both decided to stay on working for a few extra years. Pressed to divulge when they planned to throw it in, I was repeatedly told ‘a couple more years’.
I have noticed more recently that Mum and Dad have been taking more holidays and enjoying themselves a lot more. Given Mums job at Singapore Airlines, for a long time we have enjoyed the benefits of staff travel. So they have been making the most of the 10% airfares all over the world. They have just enjoyed a whirlwind 2 weeks in New York and surrounding areas. Whilst not as exciting, I was lucky enough to mind the family home and the cat that wants to be let outside at 5am each morning. A close second to an overseas trip you will agree.
To my amazement, a few weeks ago Mum announced that she will retire next year and that my father will follow suit a few months later. I was quite shocked. For as long as I can remember my parents have been working. Both putting in considerable time and effort to provide a better life for my sister and me.
It is great to see that they are now focused on enjoying their hard earned money together. Taking holidays around Australia and overseas. They have got plans to do a few projects around the home for a while and continue their charity work. I doubt they will buy a 4WD and a caravan, but I’m sure they will do plenty more exploring around our amazing country for many years to come now. They love to ski and after much yelling and bossing from their son, are skiing better now than they have ever before.
There is a great sporting adage that says “you are a long time retired”.
Seeing how young and energetic my parents still are, it just goes to show that doesn’t only apply to sports careers.
It’s a shame that this archaic attitude is still alive in modern society. Whilst I can’t recall many examples of it amongst my peers, I was faced with it last week whilst on holidays. I must confess that it came from the mouth of a 75 year old man.
His comments managed to offend many of the young women in the lodge. Whilst not grotesque, they were sufficient to make the women feel uncomfortable. Hiding behind the notion that it is ok to be a dirty old man. They found it to be offensive enough to make comment to me on a couple of occasions.
I think the thing that highlighted the issue further was that a gentleman of 80 years was also staying in the club. His behavior was impeccable. The type of gentleman I aspire to be. He would head out after dinner with one of his mates to have a few rum and cokes and a dance. He could be seen dancing with numerous young women on the dance floor. All the time displaying fine manners and a good attitude. No hands below the waist or above the small of the back. And just an all round really nice guy. Still ripping up the race course and mountain at 80!
It is not hard to open a door and let people pass before you. Nor is it difficult to take a ladies jacket and pull her seat for her. I recently learned a lady should always finish her meal before the man. Small gestures of respect.
Whilst it is sad to see that chauvinism is still alive, it is great to see that there is still chivalry to show it up